[TPIN] Difficult Band Member

[RRW1951 at aol.com]

And that is an excelent point.  This part is the tricky part:

    "...my comments are going to be accurate. 

    However, that only makes them that much more offensive 

    and hard to dismiss if rendered insensitively..."

An accurate comment, based on your observation and delivered
in a direct manner, can be interpreted as being offensive and
insensitive too easily.  It has far less to do with how careful
you might try to be.  Too many people have become unfamiliar
with simple and direct exchanges that don't also contain some
emotional opinions.  You've probably heard something like,
"Why did you DO that!!?", a question whose response requires self-control
in order to state simply the why and not to fall into the ditch 
of personalities.

Another good point:

        "...People do intuitively know or at least 

        suspect the motives behind the comments.  If it (the 

        motive) isn't about the music, it isn't going to help..."

Have a great day.

Richard




<< My point exactly.

As a long time teacher and a former director of college 

big bands, I 'know' my comments are going to be accurate. 

 However, that only makes them that much more offensive 

and hard to dismiss if rendered insensitively.


The lesson I've had to learn, sometimes the hard way, is 

that if you are going to "posture" yourself into a 

leadership role by speaking out, you have to take into 

account the end product of your words and learn from what 

you observe.  People do intuitively know or at least 

suspect the motives behind the comments.  If it (the 

motive) isn't about the music, it isn't going to help.


Let the music do the motivating, if at all possible,

John





On Thu, 2 Aug 2007 11:50:03 EDT

  RRW1951 at aol.com wrote:

> Yep, you pointed out some of the details that do 

>influecne

> the reasons for a band member speaking out.  Indeed, 

>there may

> me excellent reasons for comments about intonation or

> the agreed upon style of swinging/phrasing, but I know 

>that

> the means of delivering such messages can become 

>divisive

> and even become a power struggle, and in those cases,

> none of the comments were truly about the apparent 

>issue,

> but about "top dog" stuff, and ulterior motives are 

>unhealthy

> until they are discussed directly.

> 

> Richard

> 

> *****

> 

> 

> << This thread has gone on for awhile, so it is 

>obviously 

> 

> touching some nerves.  I play lead trumpet in a 

> 

> pizza/beer/no$$$ big band that plays once a week, but we 

> 

> also play other gigs for $$$.  I've noticed that people 

>do 

> 

> have more fun when we are playing better, and as one of 

> 

> the more experienced players and as the lead player, I 

>do 

> 

> feel an obligation to play my best.  This isn't possible 

> 

> if a majority of players think playing late is the same 

>as 

> 

> swinging, playing loud is the same as swinging, and 

> 

> playing 3rd trumpet is the same as playing lead trumpet. 

> 

> Sometimes I do speak up, but I am not the band leader. 

> 

> Usually I put in my ear plugs and play the best I can 

>and 

> 

> hope folks will follow.  Sometimes folks play too loud 

> 

> without realizing it.  Sometimes folks play late without 

> 

> knowing it, etc. Usually the most effective comment is 

> 

> something enthusiastically rendered like, "hey, let's 

>play 

> 

> good time!"

> 

> 

> However, if the same type of comments need to be made 

>over 

> 

> and over, then obviously the comments aren't helping.

> 

> John >>

> 

>  >>

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