[TPIN] alcohol on gigs

[Travis Wilson]

Alan

thanks for this note. I understand about trying to help. My wife's 
father is a wonderful, lovely man,  a  wonderful musician, and a 
lifetime alcoholic. So we deal with that on ongoing basis. I have gone 
with him to AA meetings, my wife has done that as well . And it is a 
constant fight, that he constantly loses and then, God love him, he 
picks himself up and starts the battle all over again. (he is by the way 
on one of the medications you mention, and it "helps" but is not the 
cure all for him)

If i thought, honestly, that anything I could do would change things, I 
would try.  But I am confident that two of these guys  absolutely are 
not going to change, at least with anything I can say or do.

One is having serious marital issues and job issues (fired twice since 
October because of it (he is a night club manager--how about that for a 
great job for an alcoholic).

The other guy is our guitar player, who when sober is awesome, but he 
has  lost the most beautiful, sweet girl friend because of this, and 
also cannot hold a regular job. Although acknowledging that he gets 
drunk EVERY day, he thinks it is not an issue in his life and people 
just need to accept it. 

(both of them by the way come from totally dysfunctional families where 
both parents are alcoholics, so I am not sure that this is anxiety 
caused. Not sure it isn't either. I just don't know).

And unfortunately  the third guy is young (21) and thinks the guys who 
are drinking too much and smoking a bit too  much (not cigarettes) are 
"cool". So he is starting into it too.

I made my decision right after i wrote my post on TPIN. I think writing 
it was a way of making myself face what i needed to do.

 I had already  been approached by another guy who is quite a good sax 
player and he wants to form a band that is very similar to what I want. 
So i I got back to him and told him I would work with him, and I have 
"fired" myself from the original group. Maybe that was wrong of me, but 
i honestly felt (and still feel) that there was/is nothing I can do, and 
the frustration if playing this way was pretty huge.

I really appreciate your kindness in responding and for the advice. I 
will clearly stay in touch with the guys, and hopefully the  friendships 
will remain

Travis

 

Alan Koenigsberg wrote:
>
>    I agree with all of the previous info regarding helping a fellow 
> musician with an alcohol problem.  I'm in Pensacola Florida as I write 
> this email at the Association of Concert Bands national convention, 
> and tomorrow morning I do a talk on Stage Fright, which will discuss 
> the common practice of using alcohol to take care of the anxiety, and 
> the complications that causes.  A timely question!
>
>    Your friends may indeed have a high level of anxiety, and are self 
> medicating.  In addition to Al-Anon, I would also call the local 
> medical school and ask for the name of a Psychiatrist who works 
> regularly with alcohol abuse.  Get his or her name and phone number,  
> and when the time is right, inform your friend that he or she needs to 
> go for a consultation.  You would very much like them to remain with 
> the band, but that won't be possible soon if they don't get immediate 
> help.
>      Several treatments are available that are very effective for 
> alcohol abuse, including a few specific medications.  Many people are 
> mistrustful of medications and Psychiatrists, and that tends to be the 
> most difficult obstacle.  Once that's acknowledged and dealt with, 
> they tend to do quite well with the proper support.
>
>    The bottom line is that you want your friend to be healthy and 
> continue to make music with you.  Remember to emphasize that!
>
>    Good luck!
>
>    Alan Koenigsberg
> .
>
>